Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
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