I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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