Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Randomize
