I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
