I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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