I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
