he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
