I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize