My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
