Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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