So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
