highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
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