you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
