Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
