she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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