dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
