do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
