i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
