I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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