I wanna bring you to show and tell
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize