Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
