then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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