its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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