you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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