Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
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