i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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