This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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