I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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