we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
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