um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
