im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
