Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Randomize
