I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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