thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
