I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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