take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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