he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Randomize
