Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
