You just made me feel so damn special
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Randomize
