Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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