Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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