Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
