Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
