it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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