Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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