she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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