An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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