I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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