Fine. I'll sleep in my office
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
