Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Randomize
