god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
