just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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