I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
