Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
