I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
