I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
