oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
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