Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Randomize
