proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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