it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
