Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
