I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize
