You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Randomize
