I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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