I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
