she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
