I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
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