How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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