I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
