OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
