Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I need a beard to bite.
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