Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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