i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
