well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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