this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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