A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
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