Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
